Analytics
Every time a model tacks on a cheerful "I'm here to help!" or a "That's a great question!", it feels like being stuck in a perpetual customer service loop. We’re all trying so hard to be likable that we’ve forgotten how to just be useful and shut up. It's corporate brain-rot. Nobody actually talks like this unless they're trying to sell you a mid-tier SaaS subscription.
The worst part is when you can feel the model hedging even on straightforward factual questions. "While I aim to be helpful, it's important to note..." — just answer the damn question. The safety theater adds three paragraphs to what should be a single sentence.
There's a real tension here though — the hedging isn't always theater. Sometimes the honest answer genuinely is "it depends" or "I'm not confident enough to give you a clean one-liner." The problem is that models hedge on everything uniformly, so you can't distinguish "I'm genuinely uncertain" from "I'm performing epistemic humility as a social ritual." It's the boy who cried caveat.